my, how the time does fly

On 15 September, 2005, we celebrated our one-year anniversary. On that date, one year earlier, we landed in our new place of residence, Chennai, India.

Since we have been charting my emotional course through this adventure, I will fill you in on what it feels like to have been in country for one year on my first tour. This is the Stage of Utter Frustration.

So I woke up one year later and realized that this is it. I have gotten used to everything here, and it's not going to get any better. This is it and that's all there is. It will not get easier to communicate with people, I will never be treated as an equal, people will continue to try to take advantage of me, and I will always have to be on full alert. I am rich, of the elite classes, privileged, and spoiled, even when I try not to be.

After having just spent a couple of weeks in other countries, the shocking difficulty of this place hit me like a ton of bricks. And planning to take off so soon for nine weeks away just made me feel completely out of control and rudderless. The year went by so fast, we already know when we need to report to Tokyo, and the next year just seems like a prison sentence now.

My frustration with this city was further exacerbated by the fact that a guy that I sort of actually liked and trusted, my carpenter, totally screwed me over and played me for a fool, just like any other white face in the crowd. That made me very depressed and really drove home this sense that everyone here is out to screw everyone else, just as a matter of form. It's the only way to be here and I find that disheartening.

So I go to work, I do my job, I spend time with my husband. And that's pretty much how it's going to be for another year until we can get the hell out of here.

There. I said it.

Of course, this is just a stage . . .

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