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Cricket has got to be the strangest game ever invented. Only the diseased minds of the malaria- and syphillis-infected minions of the British Raj could have ever thought up such an odd diversion. Sundry descendents of said minions have tried to explain cricket to me any number of times in the last several years, but have completely failed in the endeavor. Until now. I think it was Mark Antony who said 'When in Rome do as the Romans do.' Or maybe Caesar. Anyway, some dead guy. But now I'm somewhere new and I guess I need to learn about how things are here. With this in mind, I set about watching no fewer than 72 hours worth of the much-vaunted test match between India and Australia. I figured that if I watched long enough, I could learn the game by osmosis. I think it worked. Here's what I have learned: The British (and their minions) call the strike zone a wicket. The bowler (aka the pitcher) throws--I mean ''bowls'--the ball towards the wicket, which is defended by the batter, by which I mean 'the batter.' The batter then tries to strike the ball to prevent the wicket from being struck. If the wicket is struck, the bowler has bowled a wicket, and the batter is out. If the batter has not had his wicket bowled, he is not out. A bowler may also bowl a wicket by forcing the batter to hit the ball in the air and having his teammates catch the ball. Or by striking the batter with the ball when he is standing directly in front of the wicket when the ball hits him. I think. If the batter hits the ball and it is not caught, he is entitled to run back and forth between the wickets (or perhaps the stumps) until one of the drunken outfielders returns the ball to the wicket and prevents him from running any more. In a test match (i.e. long, interminable series of wickets, bowlers, outs, batters, stumps, and overs), everyone gets to bat once, just like kindergarten. This can go on for days. The Indians find this long progression of events fascinating. Lacking any real sports on TV, I am rapidly beginning to see their point. | |||||
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